SUCCESSFUL
Marital Relationships
THREE CHALLENGES
TO MEET
SUMMARY SO FAR:
Marital relationship is biologically inspired; it is the most intimate of all human relationships; and has the potential to give us the maximum Joy in life.
It is approved by all religions and cultures and has become the basis for all other relationships. Nature itself gives its best try to keep a couple together.
Be thou, unto the other, what thou want the other to be unto you.
If you are not that – there is no way that you can expect the other person to be that, towards you. This is the Iron Law of Human Relationships.
A successful marital relationship (or any other relationship) depends on each partner to the relationship, successfully meeting 3 challenges listed below :
1. Can you like your self substantially, if not fully?
2. Can you like your partner, substantially, if not fully?
3. Can you make your partner like you, substantially, if not fully?
CHALLENGE #1 : Can you like yourself?
You, liking your self, must be for good, valid, sufficient and evident reasons – for which we like anybody else. Not just because, you have to like your self.
List out five valid, socially acceptable reasons on – why you like your self.
Also, list out 5 reasons why people tend to dislike you.
List out a few people who like you with reasons and a few who dislike you, with reasons.
Any time – you can give 5 good, valid reasons for other good people to be liking you and cite about 5 good people actually liking you for these good reasons, believe me – your marital relationship has the potential to last a full life time. But, you need also to work on eliminating those reasons for which people tend to dislike you.
CHALLENGE#2 : Do You Like Your Partner Substantially?
Liking and loving your partner – are 2 terms generally used inter-changeably. But, there is a subtle difference between the two.
LOVE springs from the Heart – and can be without any valid reasons. Love can, in fact, be blind to all reasons.
LIKING emanates 50% from Intellect and 50% from the heart. It needs strong reasons to back it up.
The KEY TO SUCCESS in marriages which are arranged by Elders is - to consciously nurture the mutual love between the two partners from the day of the marriage.
The KEY TO SUCCESS in Love Marriages is to nurture the mutual liking between the partners, for good, valid and sufficient reasons from the first day of their LOVE.
This means – where LIKING is present, nurture LOVE; and where LOVE is present, nurture LIKING. For marital success, Love and Liking are both Essential.
Your marital partner, and you, both being human, are bound to have some black spots and some blind spots. There is No perfect man or woman on this Planet.
Both must understand this and adjust to each other with mutual consideration. Make all efforts to erase your own Black spots and to accept your partner’s black spots, till your partner reforms.
Let us understand the marital partner a little more.
Every human being’s life is governed by 2 vital aspects. Logic (Intellect) and Emotion.
An average man’s life is governed 60% by Logic (Intellect) and 40% by Emotion.
An average woman’s life is governed 60% by Emotion and 40% by Logic.
Human life needs 100 percent logic – of which man can supply 60% and woman can supply 40%. Human life also needs 100% happiness too – of which man can supply 40% and woman can supply 60%.
If you need 100 percent logic and 100 percent happiness in your life – you must co-exist with your partner in this nature’s way. Here ended the last 4 articles on Marital relationships. We will now continue further:
We need to understand the implications of the psychological imbalance between the man and the woman. Many books have been written on the subject. But, till today – people fail to understand why a woman behaves in one way and the man behaves in another way.
A woman, almost every woman, remembers dates of birth, dates of marriage, dates of death, dates of almost every simple occasion, that have some relevance to her, in respect of many people in her circle of friends and relatives. A man, almost every man, fails to remember, almost all of these! The maximum he may remember may be of his own, of his wife and of his children – which also , he may not remember on the crucial day.
A FEW THINGS FOR WOMEN TO REMEMBER :
A woman, not understanding this basic mental make-up of the man, is bound to take offense, very quickly, when a man forgets such birth days, marriage days etc. Remind your man, and do it well in time, and he will be very glad for the information. He will then swarm you with all of his affection. He is capable of that. If you fail to remind him, and if he fails to remember, it is your fault. That’s nature’s way!
A woman has very sharp remembrance of what happened in the past. Her mind is tied a lot more to the past. Every woman can remember more details of any event than any man can, for a much longer duration. Man can remember a few important (in his opinion) details of a great occasion but not the nitty gritty details of it. Woman’s capability extends to a large number of such occasions and can go into great many details of it.
A woman can distinguish many colours distinctly and give them her own names too - but man can distinguish not even one fourth of these colours. A woman’s capability to enjoy life is greatly enhanced by all such faculties.
Recent studies have confirmed what man had always suspected. Women talk at least three times more than men; and they add facial and body gestures in support of their talking, at least three times more than men – and make their communication very effective. They make all efforts to ensure that their communication has successfully reached the other person.
Man hardly expresses with his mouth, does not use much body language to support it, and uses much fewer words – and usually doesn’t bother to find – if he has been correctly understood by the other person. These are all the external expression of the emotional capabilities of the woman, where she scores well over the man.
I will now give you a frequently visible example of - how EMOTION and LOGIC components affect the behaviours of men and women. Next time, you and your marital partner go to a function, like, say, a marriage. See how the men and women who have come, behave at the function. The men will sit either alone or in small groups, away from the main event. They will talk of politics, environment, religion and all other subjects under the Sun – except doing the watching of the function that is going on and enjoying it.
On the other hand, women, all women in fact, will watch the function more seriously and with more interest, find out who have attended, in what dresses and what jewellery, how the bride and bride groom look, how exactly the function went on etc. They can tell you what small things went wrong at the function. In fact, they enjoy the function a lot more than the men. And, that is precisely the reason why, both the men and women came to the function! Women do it. Men don’t.
If you are not yet convinced – watch men and women from this perspective in the next few functions. If need be – you can watch in America, Africa, Asia, Australia or Europe. Women are the same every where. Men, are also the same everywhere.
The heavy Logicality in man’s brain prevents them from enjoying the function up to the level of the woman. The heavy emotionality in the woman’s brain enables her to enjoy the function a lot more than the man.
Woman enjoys every aspect of her life much more than man, because of her emotional capabilities. After all – happiness, joy etc are emotions – not Logic.
On the other hand, the same emotionality makes her lose balance frequently in life and get into trouble more frequently than the man. A man is needed to keep her out of trouble.
Can man enjoy his life as much as a woman? Sure. But, in the company of the woman. In the company of the woman, his joy rises to 100 percent.
Can a woman enjoy life, without unduly getting into troubles and suffering? Sure. In the company of the Man. In the company of the man, her joy also rises to 100 percent, with much more freedom and safety.
In other words, the man and woman must stick together – to enjoy life fully and safely. This is providence. This is Nature.
But then – why are there so many divorces in the world; and why is there so much suffering of both man and woman? That – we will deal with in the next post.
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