THE MOST ESSENTIAL RULES
For All
RELATIONSHIPS
POST.1 -INTRO +
MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS
99.9 percent of people can be happy only if their immediate, important relationships are harmonious and well maintained.
Ideally, we must possess the capability to be happy by our selves, in all circumstances, whatever be the strain in our relationships with others, or, even if, we have no important relationships at all.
But, if our immediate, important relationships are harmonious – the chances of our being happy are that much better.
If this happens to the majority of the population in a country – that country will be peaceful, lively – and happy. This is a Fact which most of us can accept easily, without much reservation.
But, reality is that - this is not happening to a lot of people. Many people are visibly unhappy in their relationships. The number of people unhappy in their relationships is increasing by the day. Most relationships are under great strain.
Surely, everybody wants to be happy and everybody expects others to maintain loving and harmonious relationships with him / her.
Then, why are the failures in relationships increasing?
Our Education is increasingly becoming devoid of all content that can train us for this important aspect of our life. We are adopting value systems which are inherently and mutually conflicting in nature. There is also no one and no organization now, who is entrusted with this sensitive and important task of training us in forming and maintaining harmonious relationships.
But…, we all want harmonious relationships. We, as individuals and as society, cannot thrive well and cannot lead happy lives without such harmonious relationships. Of what great use can economic prosperity be, if our inner world is a vacuum and devoid of happiness?
The Rules for harmonious relationships are basically very simple and well known.
Let us look at a few of them :
This one relationship, between the Husband and Wife, has the scope to run for the Longest period and, for the most precious period of one’s life. It is the most intimate relationship of one’s life. It has the scope to give each of the Partners, the maximum joy of one’s life – if both are determined to make the marital life a success. It is the basis, the very source, for most other relationships in life. It is sanctioned by all religions and cultures. Religion tries to bring men and women together through marital relationships. It is a biological necessity – and Nature itself gives its best try to keep a couple together. What you want the other person to be towards you – you must be that, to him / her. This is the first requirement. This is the foremost requirement.
If you are not that – there is no way that you can expect the other person to be that towards you.
Most of the strain in human relationships today is precisely due to the non-adherence to this Iron Law of Human Relationships, by one or the other of the parties to the relationship, or, by both.
We want all these, but, we are not any of these, either knowingly or unknowingly.
Let us take, for example, the most important relationship of Life – that between a Husband and Wife.
I am not saying – other relationships are unimportant. They are. But -
This one relationship, between the Husband and Wife, has the scope to run for the Longest period and, for the most precious period of one’s life. It is the most intimate relationship of one’s life. It has the scope to give each of the Partners, the maximum joy of one’s life – if both are determined to make the marital life a success. It is the basis, the very source, for most other relationships in life. It is sanctioned by all religions and cultures. Religion tries to bring men and women together through marital relationships. It is a biological necessity – and Nature itself gives its best try to keep a couple together. Therefore, this is the most important of all relationships and there is a great necessity for both partners to recognize this fact and give their all – for harmonious maintenance of this relationship.
Wonderful! Do we all recognize this fact reasonably well? If either partner or both do not recognize this fact – the chances are that the marital relationship is bound to end in a failure.
Do the vast majority of married couples give their best effort – for maintaining this relationship well? No. Let there be no doubt – that most people are not giving their Best effort to keeping their marital relationship harmonious.
We give our all –
for maintaining…, for example, the customer relationship of our organization very well, because, it has been dinned into our ears that customers are very important. We talk most courteously to our customers. We don’t get angry, even with an angry customer. We sink our egos totally and accept even the most unjustified comments of the customers. This of course is how we should be.
We try to provide the customer the most receptive and likeable atmosphere in our premises. We don’t maintain transactional relationship with customers but strive to maintain relational transactions with them. We want them to be with us for their life. We make a lot of efforts to persuade even a dissatisfied customer to stay with us.
But, our spouse is our most important, most valuable, life-long customer. So, we must give our all – to maintain this one relationship. We fail to do this.
We look at our father and mother – and do whatever they ever did to each other. If they quarreled, we quarrel; if they were passive to each other, we will be passive; if they loved each other, we emulate that. If they divorced each other, we also do that. If they never married, we also follow suit.
This happens. But, not always.
There is also the influence of peer examples. If our friends are maintaining good marital relationships, we may do the same. If our friends have strained relationships, we may also tend to have strained relationships.
Peer Examples may also come from elder brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts in the family etc.
Some whole countries tend to have better, long lasting marital relationships than some other countries – which are due to some kinds of peer pressure. They may also change by peer pressure of the other friendly countries.
What makes marriages tick in some countries, in some families and for some couples?
But, we love statistics a lot today. Therefore, let us look at the following statistics :
DIVORCE RATES = USA
Readers may find below statistics of age at marriage for those who divorce in America - according to DivorceRate.org, marriage101.org and many other web sites on the subject. There is general agreement on these statistics among most of the web sites on this subject.
Age = Women = Men
Under 20 years old = 27.6% = 11.7%
20 to 24 years old = 36.6% = 38.8%
25 to 29 years old = 16.4% = 22.3%
30 to 34 years old = 8.5% = 11.6%
35 to 39 years old = 5.1% = 6.5%
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%.
The divorce rate in America is more than 50%, which means one in two couples will break up.
DIVORCE RATES = INDIA & OTHERS
Now, let us take a look at divorce rates in India. I am quoting from indidivorce.com. Most other web sites contain similar statistics and reasoning :
One can guess that India enjoys a low divorce rate. But it is more surprising to know that the divorce rate in India ranks lowest among all the countries of the world. Statistics shows that only 1 out of 100 Indian marriages end up to a divorce which is quite low in comparison to America’s 50% of marriages turning into breakups. The rate of divorce in India was even low in the previous decade, where only 7.40 marriages out of 1,000 marriages were annulled. The divorce rate in Indian villages is even lower in caparison to urban India.
The following figures will help you to get an idea about the divorce rate in India with respect to global divorce rate.
• Sweden – 54.9%
• United States – 54.8%
• Russia – 43.3%
• United Kingdom – 42.6
• Germany – 39.4%
• Israel – 14.8%
• Singapore – 17.2%
• Japan – 1.9%
• Srilanka – 1.5%
• India – 1.1%
A survey states that over the past four years the divorce rate in Delhi, the capital city of India has almost doubled and is projected to be 12000 by the year 2008. In 2006, Bangalore, the IT hub of India it was recorded that 1,246 cases of divorce were filed in the court that pertain to the IT sector exclusively. It has been estimated Mumbai has shot up to 4,138 in 2007 while cities that are acknowledged for their cultural richness and social values like Kolkata and Chennai, are no less behind. Agro based states like Punjab and Haryana are now seeing an increase of 150% of divorce rate since the last decade. Kerala, known to be the most literate state has experienced an increase of divorce rate by 350% in the last 10 years.
REASONS FOR INCREASE IN DIVORCES
According to http://indianblogger.com/reasons-for-increased-divorce-cases/ and many other web sites on the subject, , there are several reasons for the divorce-hike in India, like,
• Financial Freedom (for women)
• Increased acceptance by family ( of the Divorced Woman)
• Life in metro cities (No one cares what you are doing)
• Deterioration of moral values
• Stressful modern life
• Transition of gender roles and professional rivalry
And probably many others, some of which we don’t talk of usually.
Now, let us look at the Basic rule of Harmonious relationships once again :
If you want a LOVING & FAITHFUL HUSBAND or WIFE –
You must first be a Loving and Faithful Wife or Husband.
Are you one? If not, why not?
While I am not disagreeing with the reasons given by various web-sites which are listed earlier, I wish to delve deeper than that.
After all, I have conducted hundreds of workshops on LIFE SKILLS, and I did understand a few critical things about these all-important human relationships.
These are UNIVERSALLY APPLICABLE – foe people in USA, for people in India and for people of the countries in between.
So, Readers are requested to follow them through in the next Post in this Blog.
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