BRING HAPPINESS INTO YOUR LIFE - THE SUREST WAY - IN THOUGHT, WORD AND DEED

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE - ALWAYS

There are any number of ways, you can ensure that - You are happy and people around you, are also happy.

But, at the root of all these ways must be a willingness and enthusiasm and willingness in you to ensure that!

What if others around you are very unhappy for whatever reason?

You CAN still be happy. You MUST still be happy. In the name of sympathy or empathy, do not destroy your happiness. Do not pretend unhappiness to yourself. Do not also become really unhappy. Do not receive unhappiness from the unhappy people around you, store it and develop it within you, like you receive communicable/contagious diseases from others. Even communicable diseases , we must try hard to avoid receiving from others. That should be our motto, even while helping others to get over their diseases. The same holds true for unhappiness as well.

Why so? Unless you are happy, you can't make others happy. You can't remove their unhappiness. What you don't have, you can't give to others. What you have in abundance, what you feel you can share, that only you can give to others and share with them.  This applies to happiness, just as much as it applies to money and other physical wealth.

So, 'you' must first be happy and then you can distribute it to those around you. In principle, this is how it works.

So, how do you make it work in your life?

When you get up in the morning, the first thing you must decide to do is - to make your spouse happy. Your spouse must be the nearest and closest person to you and must be the first person to share your happiness.  If you don't have a spouse, decide to make your parents, sisters, brothers, grandmas or Grandpas - whoever else is in your home - happy.

When you get up from sleep, your negative emotions are the least and the positive emotions are the highest. If you had said a prayer like "sarve janaah sukhino bhavanthu" or "May all people be Joyful" a few times before hopping onto bed the previous night, your positive emotions will be that much Higher in the morning.

So, early morning is the best time 'to decide' to make others happy. Then, when is the time for implementation of this great decision?

The whole day, from the time of the decision. 

How? You can find umpteen ways to make others happy. If your spouse is sleeping, plant a soft kiss on them, without waking them up. If they are already awake, no problem, brush your teeth and do the same to them;i.e., plant a soft kiss on them, say a small sweet nothing, like love you...and so on...just half a minute is more than enough. Go to children. Do the same. Go to parents, Grand parents..do the same..just try to see that what you give one is not noticed by others. As far as possible.

But, are we not talking of making ourselves Happy first - and then giving it to others? Sure. We are doing just the same. In the early hours (or early minutes) of waking up in the morning, you are happy and even if you do not feel so, it is still a fact, and what you are doing (as above) generates much happiness within you and in the others simultaneously. 

You can help out your spouse or children in some small or big way after that. you must think of how you can do that. Don't just leave them to their life and be confined to your life. That is not the way life is to be lived. Life is to be shared, if happiness is to be shared.

Sharing of life can be done in many ways. Sex between spouses is of course nature's way and depends on many factors. What we are talking of - is early morning generation of happiness and sharing of the same. Both spouses must be willing to set apart a few minutes, even if it is only 5 minutes, but if you have time, go upto an hour or more also. 

Sit down together comfortably and do a small prayer like "sarve Janaah sukhino Bhavanthu" or "Lokah samastaah sukhino Bhavanthu" or the vedi prayer "aano badraah kratavo yanthu visvatah" - that is - May all people be joyful, may all worlds be Joyful, May noble thoughts come to us from all directions..

These are all vedic prayers. These are very powerful in reaching their target audience. Vedic prayers are all uttered in a musical way. They are called Mantras. The must touch the innermost consciousness. That is why they are made musical. That is why we say them in a peaceful, silent ambiance. This is to enhance our inner focus on their content. you MUST really want the joyfulness of all people, all beings and expect to receive good thoughts from all directions, all people and all beings.

What if your spouse is not having time for this. Tell her/him that you will do it on his/her behalf also and sit and do it. Some time, the spouse is most likely to join you. You can do it for 5 minutes, or 10, or 60 minutes or more. Fill yourself with these great thoughts and intentions. These thoughts become your intentions. Intentions have a great way of finding methods and generating actions.

When you do this, you are the first beneficiary of these prayers. You will also be the cause of some enhancement in the world's happiness.

I have come across many spouses who take great pleasure in SOCIAL SERVICE outside the home; but have no intention of serving their own spouses. Generosity, love, life, joy must all first be shared with the SPOUSE. Then, it should percolate into social life. Otherwise, our social life also will look empty to us, even if it is benefiting a few in the world. In Hindu marital rites, the partners have to take a vow saying  "Dharmecha, arthecha, kamecha,...Naathi charaami."  This means, in all aspects of earthly life, each spouse will always be with the other, as their closest ally and friend. This is not for one or two years. it is for the whole life. In times of happiness and unhappiness, in times of comforts and difficulties, in times of happiness and sorrow, both of them will be the closest friend and ally of each other. In fact, the relationship is said to be for the coming seven births. So, your duty to make others happy must start with making the spouse happy and keeping the spouse happy. Don't ever expect reciprocation always. it will come sooner or later. But, it is your vow in marriage and you must fulfill it, irrespective of - whether the other fulfills it or not. But, the society has a duty to make the other spouse also to comply with the marital vows. Now, we will move on outside the home.

When you go out each day, put a Rs.10 note or whatever is possible for you into your pocket and mentally mark it that it will go to the most deserving person you see that day. Don't wait for the most deserving person. When you see the first needy, hapless man, without a second thought, put it into his hands, look into his eyes, smile and walk away. Make this a habit. Giving and sharing must become a habit in life. Otherwise, you can never experience happiness. Initially, your earlier miserly habit may start regretting...feeling that it has lost a precious Rs.10 note...it happens, until you see and feel the joy in the others' face..your mind is your enemy and the same mind can be made your friend...says the Bhagavad Gita..

How much money should you share to make others happy..? That is up to you...But, you can share kind,sweet, pleasing words...all the time, all your life with everybody around. This is the cheapest, most valuable, precious way to make others happy - and make yourself happy.

The most ancient scriptures say  - "satyam brooyaath, priyam brooyaath, na brooyaath sathyamapriyam." It means - speak truth. Speak what is pleasant. Do not speak truth also in unpleasant way". 

It does not mean that you must hide unpleasant truths always. 

Suppose somebody is not very fair skinned. He is born so and there is no way he can change his skin. You don't have to tell that to him or her, merely because it is the truth. Somebody is poor. You don't have to tell him that, again, merely because it is the truth. But suppose somebody is cruel and harming others. You must tell him that and try to change him. There, try to tell it to him in a way that is acceptable to his mind. It works better that way.

Some people are always harsh while talking. Even a pleasant thing, they can't say pleasantly. And, they justify their harshness by boasting that they always tell blunt truths.

Such people must change their ways. If two such people meet anywhere, there will start a war between them, over nothing. If you are one such, you must make all out efforts to change. Else, you can never be happy. Also, no one around you can be happy and no one can like you. Harshness is a bad habit. It is a sin. It is cruelty. 

If Harsh words are such, harsh actions are definitely worse. 

But, how do we change these traits in us? Patanjali's yoga sutras give us a simple, wonderful way. if you have any such negative qualities, getting rid of them is by cultivating the opposite, positive qualities. You can never get rid of the bad just like that and create a vacuum in their place. You must cultivate the opposite, good qualities in you. That is the way, the only way.

You must start practicing - saying of a few nice things about the same people whom you are criticizing now. If you are a harsh man, you are criticizing many - usually. And, they , in turn, are doing their best to run away from you, if possible, and if that is not possible, they are already saying all bad things about you in your absence among themselves. Essentially, most of them are better than you - which is what you must understand; and which is contrary to your present personal opinion. You are the bad Guy among good Guys. But, you think you are good and others are bad. That is the tragedy. You must change.

There are three changes which much come in all of us. Happiness in the mind, happiness in the word and happiness in the deed. 

Happiness in the mind comes from the morning prayer and decision- as we discussed before.

Happiness in the word must come through practice - daily. It is easy actually, once you make the decision. Avoid criticism of others for days at a stretch. If possible, avoid criticism of others from your life. Make a habit of praising others - praising at least two persons every day must be made a habit. There are any number of good, valid reasons for praising any two persons on earth on any day. But, choose good persons to praise. Do not boost the Ego of bad persons by praising them. Make your praise sincere, real, truthful.

Do you know some thing? By doing this, you are actually trying to make yourself Happy!  Of course, it makes the other persons also happy - as a side effect.

Happiness is a highly contagious disease. It spreads quickly to others around you.

But then, unhappy people make all out efforts to spread their disease to others. Some, though not all. 

But, you don't have to be affected by their unhappiness. Instead, you can spread your happiness to them.

When happiness in mind and word are practiced, they will automatically result in happiness in deeds too. By now, they would have entered into you life in a full flooded way.

= Sarve Janaah Sukhino Bhavanthu

Your's Ever

v.vijayamohan

GREAT QUOTES ON ADVICE, ADVISING - WHEN,WHERE,WHO,WHOM,HOW - THE COMPLETE ART AND SCIENCE

THE ART & SCIENCE OF

ADVISING

The Supply of “Advice” has always been more than its Demand. It has been so, from times immemorial.

Most Advice is Free.

Most Advice is offered unsought.

Most Advice is given because the Advisor can’t keep off from Advising; not because, the Advised person really seeks it or needs it.

Advising is a compulsive habit for many.

Most advice you receive in your life time is from people who don’t care a dime about you.

Most Advice you receive is from the media – news papers, TV, Radio and some through mail. Evidently, these worthies know nothing about you. But they feel that there are many receivers of their generalized advice who  share the same problems and troubles; and they in the media, have the solutions to these common problems.

The most competent persons have no time to advice – most of the time.

The least competent persons have the most time to advice.

Great Books contain Great Advice.

Great Men and Women’s life provides us Great Examples – which are in fact Great Advice.

Failed people advice others, more than successful people.

Most of the Success Secrets are already out in the open. Most of it is Great Advice in the Open.

Parents and Teachers are usually Good Advisers. Do heed their Advice.

Krishna, Buddha, Christ, Mohammed and other renowned persons were great Advisers relevant to their times and places. Not all of their Advice can be relevant to our times and our Places.

Some advice is time-independent and Place Independent. They are valid today and valid at every place. Some were valid only in the time and place in which the Adviser lived.

The Plain fact is, no man on earth can claim to know everything. That honour is reserved for the Almighty God. Which means, every Adviser, even the best of them, even a prophet, knows something, perhaps lots of things, but not everything.

Lord Krishna was the oldest known expert on Advice. His Bhagavad Gita contains the best ever Advice one can get on many aspects of Life.

Lord Krishna did not advice Arjuna so long as Arjuna was only pouring out his sorrow and his opinions to him.

Only when Arjuna (i) surrendered completely before Lord Krishna (ii) openly declared that he was Lord Krishna’s disciple (iii) openly supplicated that he was totally in Lord Krishna’s hands and (iv) openly and specifically sought Krishna’s advice on what Arjuna must do in the war field – it was then that Lord Krishna started his advice to Arjuna.

From Lord Krishna’s example, we learn the following rules on successful advising ;

(i)                 Never advice until the other person seeks your advice.

(ii)                Never advice until the other person expresses confidence in you and is willing to obey your advice

(iii)               Be very clear on the problem on which the other person needs your advice. And, stick to it.

(iv)              If there are more than one ways of solving the problem, do advice on all the ways you know.

(v)               Tell the other person the Pluses and Minuses of each method. Lord Krishna makes a detailed SWOT analysis of the problem and each of the solutions which he proposes. We cannot find a more detailed treatise on the secrets of successful problem solving.

(vi)              Adviser must give Guidance on the skills needed for implementing each solution. This is a fantastic approach in the Gita. Gita gives analysis of many sciences – which are unknown to the world of modern sciences even today. A knowledge of these sciences in the Gita – (i) can prevent diseases (ii) enhance happiness (iii) enable clear scientific analysis of men based on character, food habits and other criteria and (iv) teaches us the techniques of scientific meditation. There is huge information in the Gita on many ancient sciences, which are extremely Useful  in our modern times.

(vii)             Advice must result in positive action, prevent destructive action or achieve both.

(viii)            Adviser must be willing to help out the advised – in achieving the goal – through constant encouragement and further advice, whenever needed.

(ix)              The adviser and the advised exhibit either transactional nature of relationship or relational nature of relationship, the latter being more long term in nature. Transactional behavior ends with giving the advice and probably receiving a fee for it. There is no further continuity of the advisory relationship. On the other hand, relational behavior – continues until a long term goal is achieved. The adviser and the advised must be clear on what they want - between them. In some cases, transactional behavior is sufficient. But, in other cases, relational behavior is a MUST, for the advice to have any validity.

These are all lessons on the Art and Science of Advising that we get from Lord Krishna’s Gita sermon.

Now let us see some other aspects of this Art - from others :

1.   A fool think he needs no advice, but a wise man listens to others. -  says the Bible

2.   A good scare is worth more than good advice. – Horace

3.   A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice  -  Anonymous

4.   Give help rather than advice. - Marquis De Vauvenargues

5.   Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. - Thomas L. Masson

6.   Consult your friend on all things, especially on those which respect yourself. His counsel may then be useful where your own self-love might impair your judgment. – Seneca

7.   He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other. - Francis Bacon

8.   I'm not a teacher: only a fellow-traveler of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead -- ahead of myself as well as you. - George Bernard Shaw

9.   If one man says to thee, ''Thou art a donkey,'' pay no heed. If two speak thus, purchase a saddle. - The Talmud

10.               In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used frequently to take my advice.  -  Winston Churchill

11.               It is easy to give advice from a port of safety. - Johann Friedrich Von Schiller

12.               It is only too easy to make suggestions and later try to escape the consequences of what we say. - Jawaharlal Nehru

13.               It takes a great man to give sound advice tactfully, but a greater man to accept it graciously.  -  J. C. Macaulay

14.               Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.  -  Publilius Syrus

15.               Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties. – Aesop

16.               Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Jeff Zaslow

17.               The rich are always advising the poor, but the poor seldom return the compliment. -  Sir Arthur Helps

18.               The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.  -  Hannah Whitall Smith

19.               There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man's self. - Francis Bacon

20.               They that will not be counseled, cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you on the knuckles. -  Benjamin Franklin

21.               When we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies. - Kahlil Gibran

22.               My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates

23.               Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! - George Bernard Shaw

24.               It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than 'try to be a little kinder.' - Aldous Huxley

25.               Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.  -  Wendell Johnson

26.               I always advise people never to give advice.- P.G. Wodehouse

27.               The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. - Douglas Adams

28.               A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice.- James Callaghan

29.               Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.- George Burns

There are a few other ancient Laws governing Advice. Like these :-

Be honest; Be also polite and sweet with your words of advice. People like a sugar coated advice rather than a pungent truth as advice. Always praise before advice.

The adviser must be and sound to be the Best well wisher of the person advised – else, the advice is surely wasted.

Know - when to advice, when not to; where to advice and where not to; in front of whom to advice and not to advice; and surely, whom to advice and whom not to.

 *  *  *  E   N   D  *  *  *

JUST BEING HAPPY...ALL THE TIME - IS THIS EASY

 JUST BEING HAPPY...ALL THE TIME

 East, west or any where in between, whether you are Black, white, brown  or yellow, one thing is certain. You want to be happy always. 

Another thing that is almost certain is - you don't know how to be happy all the time.

If we can be happy even when we are unhappy, and if we can be happy when we are happy as well - it could be great. But, such contradictions don't exist in reality. If you are unhappy, you are god damned unhappy. But, when you are happy, there is always the fear that the happiness will not last; that, unhappiness is round the corner.

That is how life goes always. The wealthiest man isn't half as happy as many of the way-side beggars; and not even half the time, that the Beggars are. 

We are in-between the two extremes. Given a choice between wealth and happiness, we surely do not know what to choose.

We want both, but if that is not possible, choosing just one of them is not an easy cake-walk.

But, which of the two is an easier task? Becoming wealthy? Or, being Happy?

Most of us know that being happier is easier than becoming wealthy. Yet, we want to be both; Which is really the problem aspect of our lives.

OK.Becoming wealthy is a long term Plan. Being Happy is the short term Plan. To be precise, it is today's Plan; this moment's plan. You can't be wealthy this moment, if you were not wealthy the moment before.

But, you can be happy this moment, whatever you were till the previous moment.

So, what should you do this moment - to be happy this moment. There are many things that you can do this moment. Here is one to start with :

1. The best and the easiest thing you can do to be happy, is - "Just do nothing!" That means, stop doing all that you are doing. Close your eyes. lie down. stop doing everything. Just lie down. stop desiring anything - because, this moment, you need NOTHING; Just nothing - to be really happy. Tell yourself, I want nothing , this moment. clear all thoughts, all aspirations, all desires, all fears, all doubts - just everything from you mind. It looks difficult. But, really not so. Just lie down and try this. You can do this. Very easily. Do this. Instantly, your happiness, your peace, your tranquility will hit the roof. you are full of them. You now find - you really need nothing to be happy. be that - for as long as you can; as long as you want. 

You can do this whenever you want; wherever you want; you don't need anything  to do this. This is the essence of life. Some call it relaxation. Some call it Yoga. Some call it Vairagya; some call it non-attachment; 

Buddha says - the root cause of all suffering is - desire.

Every moment you become desireless, you become happy.

You can repeat this experiment any number of moments; you can do so and be so all your life too...

You can be happy all your life.

Does it mean - you must be doing nothing all your life? Not so. You can be doing many things - and yet be desire-less all the time. You can enjoy everything, every moment all your life..

Doing many things ... being desireless...and being happy all the time...it is something you must try..all the time.

*  *  *  E  N  D  *  *  *

PS : Tip 2 onwards will follow - any time.

MARSHALL GOLDSMITH - LEADERSHIP THOUGHTS - QUOTES

LEADERSHIP MUSINGS

(Marshall Goldsmith) 

There are many renowned Leadership experts - Gurus of leadership, so to speak - who go on inventing and reinventing leadership ideas which work in given situations or in general situations. When they re-invent an idea, they may rename the idea and re-package the same.

There is sometimes the feeling that nothing in the world is really original. You discover things which are already there but were not in your focus.

Marshall Goldsmith is one of the Most acknowledged Management experts of Today. His most famous Books are : 

1. What got you here won't get you there

2.Mojo : How to get it, How to keep it, How to get it back if you lose it

He has authored 34 Books and you can see details at http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com . His success recipes have invigorated successful CEOs and re-invigorates the unsuccessful ones. And, they kindle the leadership spirit in other aspiring ones.

Here are a few quotes and ideas from his kitty . I have collected them from his News paper Interviews, his articles etc. Some of the key words, I have put in Bold letters. These ideas, you will find, do provoke in us interest sufficient to change at least some thing is all those of us, who want our tomorrow to be better (that is, every tomorrow that will come in our lives):

• If buying diet books could make you thin, America would have the thinnest people in the world.

• When I ask people why they come to my class if they don't intend to do anything to improve their lives, they tell me that they didn't get around to it because they're over-committed, they have got too much on their plate just now. This is the 'tomorrow will be different' delusion. They believe it will be different in a few weeks or month, once they have taken care of certain things.The truth is : it will always be this crazy

• There is the high probability of one of many low probability events  occurring to derail the plans - falling sick, an unexpected guest, an external crisis.

• Overcommitment can be as serious an obstacle to change as believing that you don’t need fixing or that your flaws are part of the reason you’re successful.” 

• “We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop. Half the leaders I have met don’t need to learn what to do. They need to learn what to stop.” - Goldsmith sharing from Peter Drucker

• Any human, in fact, any animal will tend to repeat behavior that is followed by positive reinforcement. The more successful we become, the more positive reinforcement we get – and the more likely we are to experience the success delusion.  
  
  
  
  
• There is a fundamental problem with all types of feedback: it focuses on the past, on what has already occurred—not on the infinite variety of opportunities that can happen in the future. As such, feedback can be limited and static, as opposed to expansive and dynamic.
  
  
  
  
• We can change the future. We can’t change the past. Feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past.   

• After living with their dysfunctional behaviour for so many years (a sunk cost if ever there was one), people become invested in defending their dysfunctions rather than changing them. 

• Feedback can reinforce personal stereotyping and negative self-fulfilling prophecies. Feedforward can reinforce the possibility of change. Feedback can reinforce the feeling of failure. How many of us have been “helped” by a spouse, significant other, or friend, who seems to have a near-photographic memory of our previous “sins” that they share with us in order to point out the history of our shortcomings. Negative feedback can be used to reinforce the message, “this is just the way you are”. Feedforward is based on the assumption that the receiver of suggestions can make positive changes in the future.

•  Ultimately, our actions will say much more to employees about our values and our leadership skills than our words ever can. If our actions are wise, no one will care if the words on the wall are not perfect. If our actions are foolish, the wonderful words posted on the wall will only make us look more ridiculous.    

 

•  Successful people avoid High Risk, Low-reward situations and do everything in their Power to increase the odds in their favour.
  

*  *  *  E  N  D  *  *  *