GREAT QUOTES FROM - HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE - BY DALE CARNEGIE - PART.3

 

QUOTES FROM

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

BY DALE CARNEGIE

 

PART.3

Contd... from Part.2

103. If you must find fault, this is the way : Begin by praising.

104. It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points. So, begin with praise and honest appreciation.

105. Call attention to people's faults indirectly. without giving offense or arousing resentment.

106. Talk about your own mistakes first. And the mistakes of others after that only.

107. Ask questions - instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders.

108. Let the other man save his face.

109. Praise even the slightest improvement in others. And praise every improvement. That inspires the other fellow to keep on improving.

110. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.

111. Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.

112. Shakespeare said - Assume a virtue if you have it not.

113. Samuel Vauclain said - The average man can be led readily if you have his respect and if you show him that you respect him for some kind of ability.

114. Old saying : Give a Dog a bad name and you may as well hang him. But give him a  good name - and see what happens.

115. Almost everyone- rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief - lives upto the reputation of honesty that is bestowed upon him.

116. Give a man a fine reputation to live upto.

117. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

118. Use encouragement. Make the fault you want to correct seem easy to correct; make the thing you want the other person to do seem easy to do.

119. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest - if you want to change people without arousing resentment.

120. Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery

121. If you want to keep your home life happy, Rule.1 is - Don't, don't nag.

122. One of the chief reasons men leave home is because their wives nag. As the Boston Post put it, Many a wife has made her own marital grave with a series of little digs.

123. Disraeli said - I may commit many follies in life, but I never intended to marry for love. Henry James puts it - " the first thing to learn in intercourse with others is non-interference with their own peculiar ways of being happy, provided those ways do not assume to interfere by violence with ours.

124. If you want to keep your home life happy, rule is : Don't criticize; Give honest appreciation

125. Trivialities are at the bottom of most marital unhappiness. Such a simple thing as wife's waving good-by to her husband when he goes to work in the morning would avert a good many divorces. Too many men (and women)  underestimate the value of these small, every day attentions

126. If young wives would only be as courteous to their husbands as to strangers! Any man will run from shrewish tongue.

127. Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Everyone knows this, yet it is notorious that we are more polite to strangers than we are to our relatives.

128. It is an amazing but true thing that practically, the only people who ever say mean, insulting, wounding things to us are those of our own households.

129. Be courteous always (to  your spouse)

130.Dr.Popenoe lists the four causes of (Marital) failure in this order : (1) Sexual maladjustment. (2) Difference of opinion as to the way of spending leisure time (3) Financial difficulties (4) Mental, physical or emotional abnormalities. Another  Judge says - nine out of ten divorces are caused by sexual troubles.

131. So, the rule 7 of how to make your home life happier is : Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage

132. The 7 rules for making your home life happier are (1) Don't nag (2) Don't try to make your partner over (3) Don't criticize (4) Give honest appreciation (5) Pay little attentions (6) Be courteous (7) Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage

133.Emmet Crozier's questionnaire on - why marriages go wrong. Yes - for each question gives you 10 points :

For Husbands :

a. Do you still court your wife with an occssional gift of flowers, with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary, or with some unexpected attention, some unlooked for tenderness?

b. Are you careful never to  criticize her before others?

c. Do you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses, above the household expenses?

d. Do you make an effort to understand her varying faminine moods and help her through periods of fatigue, nerves and irritability?

e. Do you share at least half of your recreation hours with your wife?

f. Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife's cooking or housekeeping with that of your mother or of some XYZ's wife, except to her advantage?

g. Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life, her clubs and societies, the books she reads, her views on civic problems?

h. Can you let her dance with and receive friendly attentions from other men without making jealous remarks?

i. Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your admiration for her?

j. Do you thank her for the little jobs she does for you, such as sewing on a button, darning your socks and sending your clothes to the cleaners?

FOR WIVES

a. Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his, his associates, his choice of a secretary or the hours he keeps?

b. Do you try your best to make your home interesting and attractive?

c. Do you vary the household menu so that he never knows quite what to expect when he sits down to the table?

d. Do you have an intelligent grasp of your husband's business so you can discuss it with him helpfully?

e. Can you meet financial reverses bravely, cheerfully without criticizing your husband his mistakes or comparing him with more successful men unfavourably?

f. Do you make a special effort to get along amiably with his mother or other relatives?

g. Do you dress with an eye for your husband's likes and dislikes in colour and style?

h. Do you compromise little differences of opinion in the interest of harmony.

i. Do you make an effort to learn games your husband likes, so you can share his leisure hours?

j. Do you keep track of the  day's news, the new books and new ideas, so you can hold your husband's intellectual interest?

 

 

 

 

GREAT QUOTES FROM - HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE - BY DALE CARNEGIE - PART.2

 

GREAT QUOTES FROM

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

BY DALE CARNEGIE

 

PART.2

 

56. The Royal Road to a man's heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most. (Rule.5)

57. Always make the other person feel important

58. The deepest principle in Human Nature is the craving to be appreciated (Professor William James)

59. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you (Jesus)

60. Each Nation feels superior to other Nations. That breeds patriotism - and wars.

61. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

62. There is a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will (Bible)

63. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

64. If you argue argue, and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory some times; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get the opponents' goodwill (Ben Franklin)

65. Buddha said - "Hatred is never ended by Hatred but by love". and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other other person's view point.

66. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

67. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the Dog would not cure the bite (Lincoln).

68. Men must be taught as if you taught them not

       And things unknown proposed as things forgot (Lord Chesterfield)

69. Stefansson, the explorer cum scientist said - "A scientist never tries to prove anything. He attempts only to find the facts.

70. You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.

71 Socrates told his disciples repeatedly in Athens that - one thing only I know and that is that I know nothing.

72. We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or emotion but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts.

73. When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it others and even take pride in our frankness and broadmindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esofagus...

74. Ben Franklin said - I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others and all positive assertions of my own.

75. Jesus said -Agree with thine adversary quickly

76. Don't argue with your customer or your  husband or your adversary, Don't tell him he is wrong, don't get him stirred up, use a little diplomacy.

77. Show respect for the other man's opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.

78. Any fool can try to defend his mistakes- and most fools do-but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one's mistakes.

79. If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.

80. Old proverb - By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.

81. If a man's heart is rankling with discard and ill feeling toward you, you can't win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Chrsitiendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realise that people don't want to change their minds. They can't be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gently and ever so friendly.

82. A no response is the most difficult to overcome. When a person has said NO, all his pride of personality demands that he remain consistent with himself. He may later feel that the NO was ill-advised. nevertheless, there is his precious pride to consider! Once having said a thing, he must stick to it. Hence it is of the very greatest importance that we start a person in the affirmative direction.

83. It doesn't pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other man's view point and try to get him saying 'yes', 'yes'

84. Socratic method is based upon getting a 'yes', 'yes' response

85. Chinese proverb : he who treads softly goes far

86. Almost every successful man likes to reminisce about his early struggles.

87. The truth is that even our friends would far rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.

88. German Proverb : The purest joy is the joy we tke in other people's troubles

89. If a Physician were to open the thyroid gland in your neck and take out a little iodine, you would become an idiot.

90. No man likes to feel that he is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants or thoughts.

91. If you want to influence people to your way of thinking, rule 7 is - let the other fellow feel that the idea is his.

92. The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus, they are able reign over all the river streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them. (Lao Tsze, chinese sage)

93. Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other man's view point.

94. If you want to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment, rule 8 is - try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

95. twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking :

95. Begin by saying : I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I should undoubtedly feel just as you do.

96. The only reason that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren't rattle snakes. The only reason you don't kiss cows and consider snakes holy is because you weren't born in a  Hindu family on the  banks of the brahmaputra. You deserve very little credit for being what you are

97. Three fourths of the people you meet tomorrow are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

98. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

99. Nothing will work in all cases - and nothing will work with all men. If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?

100. If you want to win people to your way of thinking, rule is -Appeal to their nobler motives.

101. Dramatize your ideas

102. Charles Schwab : the way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money getting way, but in the desire to excel. ....So, throw down a challenge

GREAT QUOTES FROM - HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE (BY DALE CARNEGIE) - FIRST PART

 

GREAT QUOTES FROM

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

(BY DALE CARNEGIE)

FIRST PART

 

1. Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. 

 

2. Criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. 

 

3. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.

 

4. The rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. 

 

5. The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. 

 

6. A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 

 

7. Arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. 

 

8. Every successful person loves the game. The chance to prove his worth, to excel, to win. 

 

9. Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint. 

 

10. Pay less attention to what men say. Just watch what they do. 

 

11. Ask questions instead of giving orders. 

 

12. The average person is more interested in her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. 

 

13. Remember a name and call it easily and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. 

 

14. There is only one way to get the best of an argument -- and that is to avoid it. 

 

15. Three-fourths of the people you will meet are hungering for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you. 

 

16. "People are more likely to accept an order if they had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued."  

 

17. "Flaming enthusiasm backed up by horse sense and persistence is the quality that most frequently makes for success."  

 

18. "Ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst."  

 

19. Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude. 

 

20. One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.

 

21. To be interesting, be interested. 

 

22. "All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward."  

 

23. "Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to."  

 

24. "Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours."  

 

25. "You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself."  

 

26. "Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment."  

 

27. "Actions speak louder than words. A smile says, 'I like you. I am glad to see you.'"  

 

28. "You can't win an argument. If you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it."  

 

29. "If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive."  

 

30. "It raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exaltation to admit one's mistakes."  

31. The Greatest aim of Education is not knowledge nut action (Herbert Spencer-quoted by DC)

32. If you want to gather honey, dont kick over the Beehive (Ch.1)

33. No man ever criticizes himself for anything, no matter how wrong he may be

34. Don't criticize them, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances (Lincoln -quoted by DC)

35. Don't complain about the snow on your neighbour's roof, when your Door step is unclean.(Confucius-quoted by DC)

36. When we are dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures brizzling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity

37. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain-and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving

38. A great man shows his greatness, said Carlyle, by the way he treats little men

39. Dr.Johanson said: "God himself ,sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days" why should you and I

40. Dr.Sigmund Freud says -Everything you and I do springs from two motives; the sex urge and the desire to be great.

41. To develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement -says Charles schwab

42. The only way on earth to influence the other fellow is to talk about what he wants and show him how to get it.

43. If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from his angle as well as from your own

44.Owen D Young said : The man who can put himself in the place of other men, who can understand the working of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for him

45. Remember: First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

46. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you

47. Alfred Adler says : It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

48. If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people-things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness

50. If you want people to like you, Rule.1 is : BECOME GENUINELY INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE. Rule.2 is SMILE

51. A Smile says, I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you

52. Nothing is good or bad, said Shakespeare, but thinking makes it so

53. Abraham Lincoln said, most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

54. Emerson said - Good manners are made up of Petty sacrifices

55. Be a Good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

(TO BE CONTINUED)